I always wanted to talk to you,
Not the incessant messages on Facebook –
But in person, face to face. Just talk.
It has become this obsession of mine.
I want to tell you how my day was,
I want to brag about my little achievements,
I want to talk about my struggles,
I want to learn how our day was,
I want to know how you face your challenges,
I want to hear your jokes and smile.
There is so much to talk about.
But why does it seem so hard?
Why do I feel so anxious every time,
Every time I come close to speaking,
I find my mouth getting dry –
And words just vaporise!
I feel defensive –
As if I would become vulnerable if I ever speak.
Yet, I want to be a little vulnerable,
If only it is with you.
And when I fail at all this,
I end up feeling selfish –
Selfish that I deprived you,
And me of a good friendship –
A friendship we never had.
I wonder if we will ever have something alike?